"And I am That Friend..."

I would normally just post this in my wattpad account, but what the hey! :D 

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Ten years of being away-- from family, friends, and those who I treasured the most, the fear of eventually just losing them made me lose my mind, made me hurt and made me so frustrated to even be with them. I wanted to stay with them. But I only felt something wrapping tightly around my neck, choking me every time I get too close with them. That very fear of being attached to someone who is precious and close to me. My hand that tried its best to reach out for help, was ignored, just like the owner herself.

A child's heart is at most fragile at the age of its development. Once it's crushed to bits, it's hard to pick it up and rearrange it.

Unfortunately, for a child like me to experience it first-hand, it was pretty much too hard to accept and fix my broken self at that point. It was too much for a child to handle something as painful as getting depression at such early age, and neither my parents knew what the cause was at first, but later on when I was checked by a psychiatrist the cause was revealed. So, to prevent myself from deeply falling into an anxiety, I was transferred overseas where my grandparents were. Just like what the psychiatrist said, I needed a new environment to refresh myself. 

Well, it sort of worked for the past five years of staying there. And the moment I had reached puberty, all failed to any development. 

The anxiety I had when I was eight had gotten worse when I entered high school, and the worst scenario was that I got labelled as an introvert for being unsociable and alone all the time. 

I stopped caring, stopped getting too close and literally stopped opening myself to someone. Before I knew it, I was called back by my parents and got myself back in my home country. That day, that very day, was the time I had to face everything I left and cut ties with. I had to resolve everything as what my parents said. Whatever their intention was, it was definitely getting me somewhere that I will eventually hate them. If that ever happen, if my fear was to be grasped by someone else, I don't know what I will do anymore. I don't know what might turn out. I seriously don't know if I can overcome it.

I don't want to get back on that day I was called the 'third wheel', to put an effort just to talk or start a conversation, or just be left out from my own friends. I don't want to be....

That Friend.

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I finally got myself up and eventually just write it down. 

All those plots in my head, those ideas that I wrote down-- it all went down into this slice-of-life story. Well, I just wanted to voice out what was inside my heart (since my stories was quite like that from the very beginning) and be heard by many.

I'm not expecting something big, but hopefully I can be heard.

Waaaaaah~ I hope this turns out good. 

I am troubled sometimes whenever I write/type down my stories that ends up turning a turn to something I can't even get a hold of.  <3 <3 <3 

See ya, netizens~ 

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